After day 3.
The stalking continued, and said not a peep
That’s it. I’m saying something. Heart pounding in my throat.
As I typed without knowing the words I would even say… “So I was trying to figure out why you keep looking at my Profile, but haven’t said hi?”
Fuck. My stomach was turninig. Those fucking eyes, I have to send it.
Send was like a huge pillar on the Horizon, keeping the beautiful Sunrise from being captured in my Paint… OkCupid.com notification sent to email “You have a message…”
Ehm… I’m leaving it alone, it’s not going to be them anyways… Continues to log into World of Warcraft.
Five minutes in. What the hell?
Just… Oh my.
“Hi, I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what to say.” That’s it. Over. Take me out of the fuckin oven, Nothing will ever be the same.
I don’t even remember what else we even said during that online conversation. We lasted maybe an hour before we started talking on the phone shortly after 4pm. We didn’t hang up until my Karmic *Ex Husband* arrived home from work that night.
That’s the night the “Mutual Separation” HE requested, was Official.
The first breath of your voice, I was swept away.
I heard it before.
Was it in my dreams? Or did you talk to me in my head? How did I know you? Everything you say it’s like I already know. I already know everything about you, but please tell me again!
Tell me the story about the trip you took with your…
Tell me about the time your Daddy was driving you crazy…
Break my heart again when you tell me about that time your Daddy beat you until you couldn’t go back to school that year…
Let me mend your heart because your Momma doesn’t know what unconditional love is, because her child is not who they wanted them to be…
How do you not love your child no matter who they are? You helped bring them into this world… They’re your flesh, who they are very much is your duty to help flourish, encourage, support, all of the bright and beautiful in your child, especially when they knew who they were very young, and you ignored it, because of your own ego. How could you call yourself a Mother to raise 2 alcoholics, and 1 lgbtq child, and not love the lgbtq child, because they love differently than you understand?
How do you?
My head whirrled… My stomach was taking over.
How could I be feeling these intense feelings and I’ve been with ‘him’ for almost 11 years? You don’t ‘separate’ from who you love. Do you?
I couldn’t stand it, everything I’d already been questioning, was coming right back into my face.
I begged for an answer, to the sky really at that time, I didn’t have anything I believed in anymore. I moved 15 hours away from everything I knew, everyone that supposedly loved me, to build a home with this asshole I married on my 18th Birthday, gave him 3 children, and he thinks he can ask for an open relationship to FUCK other women, and not feel guilty about it?
I am so over this life giving me one fuckin trauma to deal with then another.
It was my fucking turn.
I could listen to you talk all day long… I breathed, tapping my nail filer on my knee, sitting on the front porch I shared with that emotionally retarded almost middle aged man. What was going on?
“Hey Thumper? What chya doin?” That fucking sexy ass Southern draw, made me purr internally.
My lungs felt constricted by the feeling that was forming on my chest. Like my heart was literally about to bust the fuck up out of my chest.
“It’s my nerves I’m sorry!” Giggled nervously…
Be still my soul.
Oh my fucking… That’s mine. Til I can’t breath. You’re mine.
He was pulling up, as the cordless phone started to die.
My chest tightened. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
I don’t remember what you said at the end of that call. All I remember, was knowing my life was never going to be the same at that point, my intuition was already starting to increase.